Due to an early, and quite unhappy marriage to Dormand Paulson, a neighborhood Tabby, Ilene Pringles-Festerpus learned to cope with stress and dissapointment through rigorous dietary training. By limiting her intake to a carefully calculated mix of onion peels, canned tuna, sourdough bread, and calcium suppliments, she keeps a level head in every social situation. Side effects of this diet include: inability to blink, nauseating vertigo and dizziness, enlarging of the eyes, shrinking of the head and paws, enlarging of the ears, constant uneasiness due to
Ichthyophobia,
Ailurophobia, a somewhat uncontrollable attraction to toes and lemons, and an agonizingly slow death.
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